Lisa A. Kramer

Author, Speaker, Theater Artist, Creativity Facilitator

Animal Mysteries

Meet Lizzy and Jasper, four-legged princess and court jester in our chaotic castle.

The mystery is not why they are languidly lying in our bed, Lizzy content on my side, Jasper curled up on Nathan's. That mystery was solved long ago when the weak-willed king and queen of the castle succumbed to the sweet wiles of princess Lizzy.

Well, actually Lizzy mastered the manipulation of Lisa's guilt. One day, we took her for a ride in a soft-topped Kia convertible on an adventure to meet friends. Unfortunately, a thunderstorm chose to fill the sky. I have the tendency to cringe--who am I kidding--crumble up into a shaking ball of terror when loud thunder hits. Blame that on the kids who threw cherry bombs at me when I was a little girl. Anyway, try as I might, I was unable to hide my fear from the nose of a dog, who immediately adopted that fear and called it her own.

Then lightning struck. Literally. It hit a the top of a tree in front of us, causing it to burst into flame.

One lesson in being terrified of thunderstorms taught.

The connection between the thunderstorm and the bed should be obvious. Until that point Nathan and I were determined to keep her out of the bed. But, when the next thunderstorm hit during the night,  it would take a mountain to ignore the trembling body and liquid begging eyes searching for protection in the cozy comfort of the bed.

She never left.

When Jasper came into the household, the most we were able to do was keep him out of the bed at night. After all it was Lizzy's bed.

That is not the mystery.

The mystery lies in the fact that they are not small dogs. No, their combined weight of about 120 pounds is definitely beyond my capacity to control.

I admit that, more often than not, the bed they choose to lie in is unmade. I go through bed-making stages that range from perfectly neat including hospital corners to pulling up the covers and pushing down the lumps in the hopes it looks somewhat presentable to a complete "I can't be bothered" mess.

The mess leads us to the mystery. If the bed is too messy then I need to make it before I can get in it. (I know, I know, that would be solved if I just made it in the morning). However, if one or both of the dogs has decided to go to bed already, I must force them out of the bed if I want to make it. I simply cannot pull the covers out from under a 60 lb. dog. Nathan can, to some extent, but I always picture the bedspread or sheets tearing under the strain.

Hence, the mystery. If neither of us is able, in a waking state when we have some control over our muscle power, to move covers under the weight of a dog, then HOW DO ALL THE COVERS END UP ON MY HUSBAND'S SIDE OF THE BED WITH THE DOG SLEEPING ON TOP OF THEM ALL NIGHT?!

Seriously . . .