Lisa A. Kramer

Author, Speaker, Theater Artist, Creativity Facilitator

Struggles in a Storm


The thunderstorms started early this morning putting an end to my already disturbed slumber filled with dreams of burning houses and a search for something.

Now, don't get too interpret-y here. The burning house actually makes a lot of sense for a change, as I learned yesterday morning that the rental house we were planning on moving into at the end of the summer caught fire yesterday and there isn't much left. Luckily we hadn't started moving anything in and nobody was there to get hurt. I'm taking it as a sign of things NOT meant to be.

Anyway, back to the storm. Now the rain pours down in an unremitting deluge.  A perfect day to read, write and watch movies. That is, if my brain would leave me alone.

You see, I'm back in the land of doubt. I don't want to be here, but I find myself here anyway. It stems from being in a place where I feel unwanted. It stems from some of the personal struggles I've alluded to but haven't written about. It stems from not knowing what my next project is, and not feeling creative enough to develop one. It stems from my constant concern of what others think of me, rather than my belief in myself and my own abilities. It stems from fear of the unknown, even though deep down I know there is nothing to fear.

I want the rain to wash me clean of fear. I want the rain to nurture me with a rejuvenating bath of inspiration and peace.

But for now all I feel is wet and lonely.

I hope the storm ends soon in more ways than one.

[caption id="attachment_3371" align="aligncenter" width="535" caption="The current view from my cabin window. Rain, rain, dreary rain."][/caption]