Thoughts on a Sunday
The sun is shining its golden glow through the trees and into my house this morning. Sarah is in her bedroom singing. We just had a couple of (successful) work sessions on her book report on Bridge to Terabithia that didn't end up in a crying mess (for either of us) and where I think she has finally accepted that I can actually help her without it being painful.
I call all those things wins for the week.
There also seems to be a Minion wandering around my house. I wish I could make him clean up the mess (because it is a disaster area at the moment).
"I never win anything," she said. I happily pointed out the many thing she's won in her life. That, of course, got me thinking about how we never really see our lives the way other people see them, and too often our own self-blindness makes it impossible to look past the negative and celebrate the positive. That's what I am attempting to do with this series of thankful posts.
My good friend Kristie, just wrote a marvelous post where she reflects on the guilt and doubts that came when she made a choice to change her life in a way that didn't please some people. She chose to transition from English teacher extraordinaire to Library Media Specialist. While I know she will excel at this job as well, and will discover new ways to touch the lives of others, she is now dealing with the guilt that comes from the disappointment of others She writes:
Of course, Kristie's post comes at a time when I am in the midst of contemplating where my life goes from here, and juggling with the doubts, the guilt, and the "what ifs?" that tend to haunt me. I was recently notified of a tenure track position at a nearby college that would be perfect for me . . . or at least would have been perfect for me before I burnt out on teaching, before I doubted academia, before I questioned whether or not my life has purpose or meaning. Yet I'm still feeling the pressure that "I should apply." Does that should come from self or other? How do I ignore the "shoulds" when I know that it could make our lives a little bit easier (at least financially)?
"When helping a student in the library who would have been in my AP Composition class had I not changed to Library Media Specialist this September, I was accosted with a "You abandoned us." I replied, "But, I'm here now." And I am, but not in the same way. It can never be the same. The same was glorious, and draining. Intellectually stimulating, and always demanding more of me. I could never do or give enough. "
So today I am thankful for friends like Kristie, who make me realize that I am not alone, but also recognize that we cannot live life to fulfill the desires of others at all times. While my life at the moment may be filled with challenges, its also filled with wonderful moments, like . . .
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When you count the small and joyous moments in life, then you realize how many wonderful things exist around you.
What are you thankful for today?